Sadly, that wasn’t even the prob- 
lem, because once the Darkness started,
I knew I had to get away from people,  
and as fast as I could. Not because I  
was afraid to hurt them, but because I 
was afraid they’d try and stop me from 
hurting myself.                        
     Maybe from hurting them too, but  
I’m not really sure, because as much as
I hated myself afterwards, it really   
did feel fucking good while I was doing
it. It was like a drug that almost made
the Darkness bearable. At least, until 
I was able to knock myself out anyway. 
     That was the real problem, because
while I was doing that, I wasn’t saving
animals, and since I deserved it, how  
was I supposed to even begin arguing   
with myself about it?                  
     After a couple years of dealing   
* with that by myself, I decided to start  
seeing a therapist, and then some psy- 
chiatrist, but they were all nuts too  
and thought my problem was that I      
wanted to fuck my Mother.              
     After a few more years, I could   
tell when that was coming. Their focus 
and questions were a huge tip off.     
After that, as soon as they started    
going there seriously, I just walked   
out the door.                          
     Until I met you, Dr. Zinger.      
     As least with you, instead of     
fucking my mother, I’m the one         
getting butt-fucked.                   
     That might not seem like much of  
an improvement, but to me, it was like 
night and day.                         
     Up to this point, all we’ve done  
is talk once a month, and it has help- 
ed, but Beth has the inside track on   
the Darkness.                          



CHAPTER 1: WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15th
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