If I’m on the top of a ten-story
building, and I see someone hurting an
animal across the street, I will liter-
ally walk off the side of the building
to save that animal. It’s just like I’m
stepping off the curb and crossing the
street, except I’m ten stories up, and
I don’t have a safety net, but I do
have a magic rope.
If I have time to think about it,
I can usually stop myself, but most of
the time, I’m not even thinking about
the consequences, about Beth, our
babies, or nothing. I’m already fal-
ling off the side of the building, and
that’s what really scares the fuck out
of me, Doc.
You might think I’m lyin’ about
stepping off buildings, and shit like
that, but wait until I tell you about
* what happened two weeks ago.
If you get that far, of course.
So, grab a beer, a coffee, or
whatever gets you the fuck comfortable,
and strap yourself in, because this is
gonna be one hell of a wild fucking
ride.
Screaming, of course, is always
optional.
First, before I get into the real-
ly bad part, let me explain how I got
my nick, the Criminal.
You already know about my fanta-
sies, but what you don’t know is that
long before I found out how bad they
were, I loved them.
As a matter of fact, some of my
earliest memories are of me sitting on
my bed and imagining some of the weird-
est shit, that even to this day, I
still haven’t been able to top.
CHAPTER 1: WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15th
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