It’s why I can go back to when I  
was six, and also two weeks ago, and   
dictate it like it’s happening right in
front of me.                           
     You can take what I dictate as    
Gospel, except maybe the context.      
That’s obviously my personal opinion.  
     Anyway,  most of the time, I have 
control over my playback functions, but
what you don’t know is why I sometimes 
lose that control.                     
     Long before I met you, I decided  
to stop telling people about it, be-   
cause I’ve been beat up, almost killed 
a couple times, and even Beth wanted to
shoot me when she found out about it.  
     I guess if I fought back, I would-
n’t get beat up so much, but why?      
That’s exactly what I deserve, and af- 
ter that first punch, all I can see is 
* that video anyway. The pain feels good,  
but dying, I don’t know about that one 
anymore.                               
     Back in the beginning, dying real-
ly would’ve solved everything. No more 
Darkness. No more video. No more guilt.
No more anything, but now, it scares   
the fuck out of me.                    
     I get these crazy impulses, and I 
just can’t stop myself.                



CHAPTER 1: WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 15th
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